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A Year In The Dojo

by Distinct Kicking Motion

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1.
Packaging 03:26
Everything comes to us in Packaging - cardboard tape and bubble wrap Everything ships this way and it's Maddening just to try and get it all out Everything comes to us in Packaging - plastic bags and shrink wrap and Everything ships this way and it's Maddening just to try and get it all out I just got an online order in the mail I fought the box for five minutes to no avail Well I tried some scissors but they don't seem to work Whoever wrap this box must be the biggest jerk Open the box and what do I see Twelve layers of cardboard waiting for me But you can't defeat this southpaw I'll be right back, I'm gonna get my chainsaw
2.
Good evening, pitiful humans Allow me to introduce myself I am your impending doom And your brain will improve my health I know I'm hard to understand Just know your death is close at hand Victory is ours Stop screaming, pitiful humans And don't try to run away, either You can't resist our forces And your brain will be eaten soon I can't believe it's come to this again supposed apocalypse We just went through this mess last year and we'll fight through this once more We've won before, we'll win again We've got the guns and army men I will eat your brain right now
3.
Everything's ruined (everything's ruined) Everything's ruined (everything's ruined) Everything's ruined (everything's ruined) And I'm bad at this (you suck) Mix the ingredients Preheat the oven and Throw the stuff in when it's time But what transpired was Not what I desired I'm left with one bowl of slime I thought that I could get this to mix I must have skipped a step or two or six I'm making brownies and This time I found me a Recipe without the stress Disaster shows up and My timer froze up and I got a burnt brownie mess I thought that I could cook stuff by now But if this keeps up I'll never know how
4.
I hate it I hate this song And we play it all the time If I hear it once more I'm gonna Lose it Lose my mind Smash this computer It's true we used to be number one That's not the case anymore We were bought out in the mid-nineties We've been corporate ever since Now it's just the same old garbage Day in and day out If this is what we're reduced to Then I want out Why don't you just Stick to music? I am - that's why I'm angry Why don't you just Play all the hits? I have been and I'm bored with it Why don't you just Shut my mouth? Well on the radio, the answer's no Why don't you just That's it This is the last straw I've had it with this I quit I'm done with the station that no longer cares Dead air Dead air and Thin Lizzy right after this
5.
It's Bob! 01:03
It's Bob! It's Bob! The superhero with a full-time job He'll stop those evil crooks from fleeing After he gets out of his weekly meeting It's Bob! Yes, it's Bob! The superhero with a full-time job A financial advisor for a local law firm Who makes all the supervillains squirm As long as the office is closed Reading memos, solving crimes Checks his email all the time Bad guys never catch a break When Bob's out on his lunch break The superhero with a full-time job It's Bob!
6.
Brains 04:14
We shuffle on We take them down And eat their brains We consume them And we doom them We want their brains What are we fighting for We fight so we eat more Ignore apocalyptic chatter from the humans We will not end this war What do we want? (Brains!) What do we need? (Brains!) When do we eat? (Now!) Let's go! This is our time to rise We'll strike fear in their eyes Ignore apocalyptic chatter from the humans That's just a pack of lies
7.
Before we begin I'd like to discuss some unfinished business with you Last Thursday night you stole all my beer and then disappeared - a rude thing to do What I want to know is how you did that I do tip my hat that's for sure I'll let it slide if you promise me that I'll never see you do it no more We recklessly take part in a total eclipse of the heart I think I'll have another drink before our friends depart A week ago we had a bash and it was a smashing good time When you came in we had a drink I didn't think we'd commit a crime Now I'm not one to cause a scene or be real mean to my friends But then you went and kicked my ass and I said that's where our friendship ends Now I think I'm a normal guy I never try to be cool But the line is drawn so super thick after you kick my ass at pool And when you sank the eight ball in I'd never been so perplexed I guess that I... I started a brawl I can't recall what happened next I'm told the fight didn't last too long I'm not as strong as that I guess you took my butt to town and I was down in seconds flat When I came to, I couldn't think but there was a drink in my hand We had a toast, my beer was gone and you moved on to your homeland And now that we all have cleared all the air I lost fair and square I guess If I didn't try to kick in your shin I wouldn't be in this much of a mess I guess I need to apologize 'cause I can't disguise my shame So let's have a toast to friends that will stay then maybe we'll play another pool game
8.
A long time ago I gave you some commandments (that's how to live) Well now I have a new one I need to give you (need to give you) What I need you to do is get on the dance floor So arise from your seat now - what else are feet for I command you to dance I demand that you dance I know full well I can't convince you on my own (not on my own) So I enlisted a robot friend to help me (friend to help me) Tell 'em, robot! What we need you to do is get on the dance floor So stand up and get dancing - what else are feet for
9.
You're kinda gross and smelly Got a ton of drool You run around like crazy and The cat never liked you But I did Yeah I did Do you remember the time When you pooped on the floor It never dawned on me then that I could take anymore But I did Yeah I did You didn't live here for long Just long enough for a song I met your new mom and dad They both know you won't be bad Smell you later, my little friend I bet I will see you again Smell you later, you were the best Hope you like your new home out west
10.
Well I went into work one day My first day on the job I had my laptop in my arms Inside a flimsy case Well I don't know why it was there The great thingamabob But somebody gave it to me My laptop’s brand new space I don't mean to be too brief but It's the best thing around And I won't blame you if You fall head over heels It's always on the case and Always stays aground All briefcases seem the same But this one… This one has wheels! Well I was told when I got my case That it only cost a cent And how could I refuse such a gift At no cost to the school And when I got a barrage of paper Into the case it went And I don't care if it looks too dumb I'm already not cool Are you ready, briefcase? Start rollin'!
11.
Commerce 03:34
Get that money Get that cash Get that item Get that thing Spend that money Spend that cash Buy that item Buy that thing Buy that money Spend that cash Get that item Get that thing Get that money Get that cash Get that item Get that thing Spend that money Spend that cash Get that thing
12.
Benediction 06:32
instrumental

about

A compilation of the first year of songs for Song Dojo (songdojo.rocks) in chronological order.

credits

released December 22, 2016

Recorded and mixed December 2015-November 2016
Ed Klingenberger - everything

Special thanks to Dan Beeston for running Song Dojo and letting me use the little sumo guy on the album cover.

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Distinct Kicking Motion Rochester, New York

A one-man band living on the corner of pop-punk and prog-metal.

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